My Precious Elodie –
It is the day before Christmas Eve and I finally found some time to sit and write. Last night as I was falling asleep I “wrote” this all out to you in my mind…now I’m hoping I can remember all that was on my heart at the time…
Your big brother, Finn, is so excited for Christmas this year. This is the first Christmas that he seems to “get it”. If you ask him what he wants from Santa, you’ll get the same response he’s given to everyone else…a motorcycle. His excitement allows me to be excited for Christmas, even though my heart drifts to you…
I wonder what you would have asked for at three years old? Then I start to imagine your first Christmas in Heaven and I’m overwhelmed…the birth of Jesus…celebrating His birthday in Heaven! You also get to celebrate with those that we miss so dearly…Papa Lee, especially! What an extraordinary thought, a thought that’s really beyond comprehension.
Advent was something I tried to focus on this year, not because I wanted to be “in the spirit”, but because the longing and anticipation of Christmas is the same longing and anticipation I’ve had on my heart since the day you left us. How much you’ve taught me my sweet girl.
I also started to think of you as your Daddy and I watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” last night. The premise is that an angel helps a compassionate but frustrated businessman by showing what life would have been like if he never existed. Then it hits me…the Lord created you in this moment to alter the world as we know it. We may not know how, but I’m reminded once again that the Lord makes no mistakes and that He is using your life in such a way that is so much bigger than ourselves. And that…THAT gives me peace beyond understanding.
This Christmas is mixed with joy and pain. And I know for many, Christmas can be a very painful time. My prayer is that longing and anticipation return to all of us, not just at Christmas, but allows us all to focus on God’s ultimate Promise…that one day He will return and redeem all our pain and brokenness. Until then or until He calls us home…I pray that longing and anticipation of Christ never leave us.
We love and miss you so much. Merry Christmas!