Stockings Are Hung


We are just a few days away until Christmas…then just a few short days until I return to work…this causes me to reflect on when Elodie was expected to arrive. Her official due date was January 29th, but given my history we were eying December which would be early, but in the realm of “safe”. She would be 35 weeks on December 25th which was her target date…my heart aches, as her due date approaches. Oh how much I wish to hold her…

Mason asked if we could get Elodie a stocking. At first I was not sure I wanted to do that…it felt strange to hang a stocking that will never be filled, but then…THEN I got this overwhelming sense that we could hang it in her memory and we could fill it too and this is where you come in…


My prayer has been that despite our loss that the Lord would show us His goodness in abundant ways…and He’s overwhelmed us by the outpouring of love shown to us;  family, friends, co-workers..those I haven’t spoken to in years…people I’ve never even met – but all have been impacted in some way by Elodie’s life…

Would you help us soften the pain just a little this Christmas as we remember her? We are asking you to do something super simple…

1.) Send an email to before December 25th with the subject DON’T OPEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS (don’t forget my middle initial in the email address)

2.) In the email, tell us how Elodie’s life has impacted you…it can be a sentence or a novel…a poem…your favorite scripture…pictures or drawings…anything that speaks to your heart…

We plan to print them off (not peeking of course) and place each note in her stocking and on Christmas morning read them as a family.

Merry Christmas!


“Can you thank Me for trusting you with this situation, even if I never tell you why?”

We’ve been through holidays before where normal is no longer normal. After spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas at the hospital when Finn fought for his life in 2012. Holidays now have a new meaning…

As we now have had two Thanksgivings since bringing Finn home, we face yet another holiday season where the unthinkable weighs heavy on our hearts and we can either decide to keep our head down and just get through it or ask God to use this time to heal, speak truth to our hearts, and teach us how to be thankful…I’m choosing the later.


We’ve been in Ohio for the past week and have been able to attend the church I grew-up in and hear “Uncle Ali” preach…the sermon was one of those heart pricking messages that I just can’t let go…Alistair referenced Psalm 57:9 and the biblical response around thankfulness

I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
    I will sing praises to you among the nations.

He spoke about Helen Roseveare, a veteran missionary who spent 20 years in the then Belgian Congo practicing medicine and trained others in medical work. Alistair recently visited with her when he was in Ireland a few weeks ago. He referenced a bit of her testimony (there are so many stories during her life, but this one was very apropos)…

When she was captured by rebel soldiers in 1964…she speaks about how the Lord met her in that place…she recalls…
“He whispered to me ‘Can you thank Me for trusting you with the situation?’ That was amazing. I had always thought of me trusting Him but this was Him trusting me.”

“In saying that, He was really saying: ‘Yes, I could have prevented this. I could have stopped it happening, but I, the Almighty God, have a purpose bigger than you can see. I know where this is going to lead to, you don’t.

‘Can you thank Me for trusting you with this situation, even if I never tell you why?'”

She then explains how she was able to say ‘thank you’ to God even in that place of despair…

“In that moment of saying ‘thank you’, immediately I was filled with a tremendous sense and understanding of the peace of God.”

“Once you thank God, you can’t have any bitterness towards Him. You can’t reject Him.”

Please let me be clear…I’m not comparing my trial to be any where near to what Helen had gone through, not in the slightest.
BUT I can’t shake the absolute peace that my trial, yes, my life’s pain, is what the Lord has trusted me with. He hand selected me to be Elodie’s mother and then took her Home. He’s trusting me to acknowledge that He has a bigger purpose than I can see. And He does know where this will lead. Because of that, I can only further Elodie’s story…HIS story…by genuinely expressing thankfulness, even in my despair.
Should you want to watch the message shared on Sunday you can find it here: I Will Give Thanks – | Parkside Church


As time continues to tick by, the feeling of loss has…softened. The pain of losing Elodie will never go away, nor would I ever want it to go away. We will never just ‘get over it’. Heartache, sadness, and frustration still exist and it comes like ocean waves. Waves that once were debilitating that would take you out at the knees…are now smaller and more predictable. Although pain lingers and occasionally catches you by surprise, it does make joy, happiness, and even contentment be ever so precious and more brilliant through tear-stained eyes…


Reflection on God’s provision through this has also been healing…I recognized the Lord was protecting my heart in small ways. The biggest thing that still stands out to me was that I didn’t buy one thing for Elodie. For those that know me; fashion and shopping is like sleeping and eating, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I would “pin” things and even found new curtains and bedding for the nursery, but never got around to buying anything. I’d gush over adorable head wraps, bows, and outfits…but deep down in my soul…there was something there that just kept me from jumping in with both feet. When we got home from the hospital, our home was the way we had left it. The Lord protected my fragile heart knowing that if there were stacks of baby girl clothes or a room ready just for her, it would break me even further. Even though insignificant, I thanked Him for shielding me…

Lately I’ve been having this feeling of urgency to talk about Elodie or see her name in writing. Almost like time is passing by and I don’t want to forget about her. I’ve spent more money on monogram jewelry than I care to admit. I want the world to know that I have a daughter and though she may not live here on earth, she’s alive in our hearts and forever treasured. I’ve been thinking about her name a lot too and know some have wondered where we even came up with it…Elodie was the one and only girl name Mason and I loved. When I was traveling a lot while working in audit several years ago, I had a couple trips to Paris. The last engagement I had there we had worked with local accountants. One of the guys invited the team to dinner at his favorite restaurant. It was his favorite because of a girl that worked there…her name was Elodie. He would say, “I’m in love with Elodie” {insert French accent}. I called Mason that night and told him that if we ever had a girl, we would have to name her this beautiful name and it stuck! When Mason and I decided to find out the sex of this baby, I was floored that we were going to have a girl. Never did I think that I would have my Elodie…

We are still navigating this new normal…we had planned to move Finn to his new “big boy” room in October, but he has no interest in moving out and let’s be honest, there is no reason to push it either. So for now, he stays and converted his crib to a toddler bed. I’m finding I second guess myself all the time too…What if we end up with a baby at some point? How then do we move him out? Are we impacting Finn by doing or not doing something? What if, what if… Instead of being paralyzed, there were some things I did rip the band-aid off like boxing up all of Finn’s baby things to move to storage…toys, his cradle and bedding, his swaddle blankets and clothes…I told to myself that those things should have been stored away months ago even before being pregnant with Elodie…this doesn’t mean we’re giving up. I prayed over each and every item…Praying that one day we will use those receiving blankets and that he or she will kick and roll on that playard. This isn’t over…

You know when I said there are still days where loss catches you by surprise…music usually is the culprit and it speaks to my heart so much…I had turned on a local Christian radio station while on my way to pick Finn up from school and Steven Curtis Chapman’s song ‘Glorious Unfolding’ came on. I’m not normally a huge fan of his music or any pop-Christian music, but the words to this song just leveled me…This is where my heart is lately…trusting and knowing the Lord will redeem Elodie’s death…

Glorious Unfolding

Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and SEE and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun

We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we’re living
Is just the beginning of the beginning

Of this glorious unfolding
We will watch and SEE and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We’ll SEE the glorious unfolding

Just watch and SEE (unfolding)
This is just the beginning of the beginning (unfolding)