Wrestling with Grief

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Over the course of several weeks since losing Elodie, I’ve heard this saying…”grieve well”…It’s a term that I appreciate since it almost gives you permission to grieve in any way that is perceived as good or healthy. The statement does leave you with a nagging confusion of how DO you grieve well. What does that actually look like? Is it simply just being honest with those around you? Maybe so…

Am I grieving well when I actually say out-loud that I’m beyond pissed off and scream at God for taking Elodie. Or when I share with a friend that I’m struggling with guilt, the “what if’s…” and all the scenarios that may have changed her outcome. When I admit that I joined a gym so that I can rid of any remaining baby bump, because the pain of an empty womb is too much to bear at times. That I wanted to throw all my maternity clothes in the trash. That I want to scream at the mom in line at the grocery store that popping out another baby is not just an ordinary feat, but extraordinary and that she has NO IDEA?!

My mom’s cousin shared the below with me just the other day…and the words met me right where I am as I wrestle and sort through what grief really is (thanks MJ)…

Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of a season where there is beauty and heartache at the same time. You’re fully aware of God’s nearness, yet you are constantly having to lay down questions, doubts and pain. If you’re honest and real- which we absolutely have to be with God- you have some really intense conversations with Him. One thing I’ve realized tho, is that asking why and remaining there only brings more questions- but worshipping and trusting Him brings breakthrough. It might not be this big goosebump and immediate joy kind of breakthrough- but it’s a breaking through of His spirit through the walls of offense and deep disappointment. The pages of my journal might contain majorly honest thoughts and concerns to the Lord- but somehow through it all He meets me here and gives me a peace that I cannot explain. As I’ve been walking through this season with my sister losing her sweet baby, still born at 7 months- I’ve come to learn more and more that Religious Christianese terms or phrases don’t help- they actually shut someone down. But true emotion and walking through the valley with someone in this place helps. Waiting on the Holy Spirit, worshipping while tears are running down your face, surrendering your questions and fears, letting go of offenses, and waiting for Him to meet you here- that’s what helps- so…here I am Lord–waiting.

Posted by Kari Jobe on Tuesday, October 20, 2015

If at the end of every emotion tied to grief leads me to cry out Abba Father and brings me closer to Him,  then YES “grieve well”…through tears, anger, joy and laughter, escaping the ordinary, wanting to be changed and never looking back, and realizing that He does make all things new even when we may not fully understand what is happening when its all tied to eternity…

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