The Struggle Is Real

What. A. Week. This was the first full week at work since going out on leave. It was a doozy. I think the combination of everyone getting back from the holidays and catching up on things that fell on the waste side and just being plain rusty at my job.

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good thing he’s cute…

I’m sure glad it’s the weekend, though. Finn decided to sleep-in till 11am yesterday! Praise Jesus. He is totally a three-nager…’tude and all! Three has been tough. The most challenging of phases yet. The week started with notes from school saying he’s been “pushing his friends”. To screaming when he doesn’t get his way.  Saying ‘no’ constantly and demanding that he picks his clothes out (I think I know who he takes after there…). Where has my sweet, compliant child gone?! But something changed on Thursday. My sweet boy showed up and he’s stayed that way through yesterday too. Praying the ‘three-nager’ stage is short-lived and it’s simply navigating his new found independence. This momma is exhausted!


In other news…I was confirmed a surgery date…

April 11th by Dr. Haney in Chicago. I’m still waiting on finalization of insurance (so prayers there). But the plan will be that Mason and I will travel up the Saturday before. Surgery is 7:30am (check-in at 6am) on that Monday at the University of Chicago and then we’ll travel back on Wednesday. It’s technically an outpatient surgery, but it will be done at the hospital. I will stay one night and discharge the following morning. I’ve found recovery varies case by case. Since the procedure is similar to a c-section and having one in the past, I know I’ll be home for a couple weeks quite sore, but hope to not have to take much time off work and just work remotely. Mainly for my mental state. When I was recovering from my last c-section, my motivation was to get up and see Finn everyday and I truly think that helped me heal faster.

This opportunity is still a surreal feeling. In my heart of hearts, I believe the Lord has led us to this doctor. But I’m cautiously optimistic (which is to be expected). Faithfully I want to trust Him with this, but it’s hard to not doubt. I even at times find myself second guessing…am I pursuing this out of my own feelings to find an answer? My prayer is to continue to seek His guidance. I’m also motivated to want to do this for Elodie and for Finn. We have not had one pregnancy that has turned out well. Dr. Haney said it well, “My goal is to change that for you both.”

Also, our desire to have more children hasn’t gone away either. Over the course of several weeks, engaging with women over at AbbyLoopers (the TAC community chat board), I discovered that Dr. Haney doesn’t take just anyone. He has a personal success rate that he takes very seriously and right now 98% of his patients have a living, healthy child post TAC. That’s a stat we can get behind. Are there still risks? Of course…like any other pregnancy, but if we can take my weak cervix off the table, which is the linch-pin to my difficult pregnancies, then this is the best scenario we’ve got.

With all that said, with any future pregnancies, I would continue to be closely monitored by my team of local doctors…p17 shots for contractions…cervical checks via ultrasound. And followed more closely by a MFM (maternal fetal medicine doctor). I’ve communicated with them both and they are supportive of this procedure. My MFM even went on to say, “We wish all our patients were as well informed and proactive as you!” I could gripe about why didn’t they recommend this to begin with…suffice it to say…I think we live in a sad reality that insurance companies influence even how our doctors practice medicine. And many are beholden to policy and are risk averse. As to why more doctors don’t perform this procedure when the success rates speak for themselves. Dr. Haney said its a matter of time that this will be the procedure of choice. My only advice to anyone dealing with medical challenges…never give up looking for an answer. Never. Even if there is just one doctor out there that can help. Follow it.

Please continue to pray for us…pray that insurance covers the procedure and for our hearts as we approach April 11th with anticipation and nerves. xo

2 thoughts on “The Struggle Is Real

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