It’s been some time since my last post…All is well other than fighting seasonal colds (again) and ice/snow that seem to paralyze good ‘ole Charlotte for a couple days. At least we got some quality snow days, which included snowmen and sledding!
We are also approaching Elodie’s due date – January 29 – I find myself thinking about the day and quickly finding something else to distract me from dwelling on it. I’m also feeling as though the enemy is using the upcoming day to hurt me, which is why I feel like I’ve been apprehensive to even wanting to face the day. I’m even tempted to ignore it. I am actually taking the day off as I’m attending a retreat with some women from church. Lord has clearly been in the midst for that to work out the way it has…
As we plan for surgery in April, I’ve been keeping up with several women who have had their TAC placed and are currently pregnant. Last Monday, one of the girls expressed she was dealing with contractions throughout her pregnancy and ended up delivering at 30 weeks even with a TAC…and I couldn’t help but think…that could still be me and completely lost it! I was a total mess. I felt defeated and I didn’t even take one step past the starting line. I also believe the enemy is using fear to creep into our frail lives. To manipulate my faith and to distract me from trusting the One who is truly in control.I’m still trying to understand why I reacted the way that I had and failing at every turn. I do believe the enemy uses emotions to deceive and to manipulate God’s voice. Through my grasping of truth I came upon a book called Fear and Faith: Finding the Peace Your Heart Craves by Trillia Newbell. By definition, the fear I’m experiencing is an expectation of harm. When I’m tempted to fear, it is because my false sense of control has been altered by a circumstance. A child lost. Or the unknown. Ultimately because I’m seeking trust and security in anything other than the Lord.
Fear opposes faith when rooted in unbelief. Lord, please help my unbelief.